A girls’ girl is more than just a label. It’s a way of moving through the world. It’s about choosing your community, lifting others up, and holding each other accountable. It’s about recognizing that confidence doesn’t come from making others feel small, and that loyalty is about more than just words. It’s about actions.
However, not everyone moves through the world this way. Some don’t know how to show up for others because they’ve never learned how. Some are too caught up in their own insecurities, their need for validation, or their own narratives to be truly solid.
It’s easy to justify behavior when emotions shape reality, but the truth is simple: perspective isn’t fact and insecurity isn’t an excuse. Not being a girls’ girl can look like outright cruelty, but sometimes it’s subtle. It’s watching someone cross boundaries with a friend and staying silent. It’s flirting with someone’s partner while still expecting others to respect your own relationships. It’s creating unnecessary division, reframing valid criticism as an attack, or speaking as if your opinions are universal truths. It’s building friendships through exclusion, trying to solidify your place in a group by pushing someone else out.
People who operate like this often don’t see themselves as the problem. Instead, they become the victim in their own retelling of events. They justify their choices because, in their minds, they aren’t doing anything wrong. People who struggle with community often struggle with accountability. Instead of recognizing their own patterns, they dismiss criticism as jealousy or drama and thrive in the grey areas of social dynamics. When their actions finally catch up with them, they shift the narrative.
“They’re just jealous of me.”
“I can’t help how people perceive me.”
Perception isn’t the issue. Behavior is.
A true girls’ girl makes their people feel safe. They’re the person you don’t have to question, the one you know won’t entertain shady behavior or quietly stand by while someone speaks baldy about you. Someone who lacks that sense of solidarity creates instability in a group. They blur the lines between loyalty and manipulation. But the reality is, someone who constantly undermines their own people will eventually run out of people to manipulate.
It’s easy to be angry when someone refuses to take accountability, rewrites the story, and creates unnecessary division. While that anger is sometimes justified, wisdom demands something more. It demands the ability to see things clearly without distorting them with our own emotions. It requires setting boundaries. It’s knowing when to call something out, when to walk away, and when to let people expose themselves through their own patterns.
A girls’ girl, a real one, strengthens the community instead of dividing it.
And those who lack that? Eventually, they’re left with nothing but their own insecurities and their illusion of closeness unraveling.
Funny enough, Ashley and I didn’t coordinate our posts, but they ended up with similar themes.
Her newest podcast episode dropped today 🫶🏻
Astrology updates for this week:
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Chrysalis magazine was a feminist magazine published between 1977 and 1980, exploring politics, culture, and theory from a feminist perspective. It was a space for radical thought, analysis, and discussions on gender, identity, and social change. Designed by Sheila Levrant de Bretteville.
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